Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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