Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.

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(224): View more from Illinois

finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.

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(646): View more from New York

I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing

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(614): View more from Ohio

so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

(740): View more from Ohio

i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

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(951): View more from California

I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.

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(845): View more from New York

I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle

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(209): View more from California

I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.

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(770): View more from Georgia

I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.

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