If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
