I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
