Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
