You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
