Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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