ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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