if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
