this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
