no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
