what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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