Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
