Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
