READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
