We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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