Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
