I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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