dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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