There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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