Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
