u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
