please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
