I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
