Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
