i just google imaged poop.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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