i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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