Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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