the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
