Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
