Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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