Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
