I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Soap is not a condiment
i just had sex bonerless
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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