I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this beer tastes like vomit already
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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