Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
