Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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