Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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