those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
