He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
