last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
