I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
