I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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