I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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