your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
