so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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