I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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