Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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