i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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