Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
