I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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