pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
