rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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